Dec. 21: Despite dire warnings from the Mayans, the world does not end. Las Vegas bookmakers collect $300 million from people who wagered that the world would, indeed, end. The bettors realize that if they had been right, they couldn't collect anyway.
Nov. 1: An epic World Series ends when the Philadelphia Phillies come back from a 7-0 deficit in the ninth inning of Game 7 to stun the Rangers. Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee share the MVP award. The Rangers announce that if they ever make it to the World Series again, they will immediately forfeit. "Less painful that way," Ryan says.
July 27: The London Olympics begin with a stunning Opening Ceremony in which Princess Kate Middleton and Reggie Jackson re-enact the climactic scene from The Naked Gun. Michael Phelps goes on to win three gold medals, which sounds disappointing, but how many gold medals have YOU won lately, pal? That's what we thought. Usain Bolt wins three races, including two that he finishes by cartwheeling across the finish line.
Jan. 15: The Texas Rangers sign Japanese phenom Yu Darvish to an $88 million contract, which includes a clause that Chris Berman is not allowed to give him a nickname.
March 5: Playing in their third city in four days, and their fourth game in five nights, and their 11th road game in less than a month, the Sacramento Kings spend the entire first quarter shooting at the wrong basket. Nobody notices.
April 8: Tiger Woods roars back from a seven-stroke deficit in the final round to win the Masters. Afterward, he is asked to sum up his extraordinary journey from No. 1 athlete in the world to tabloid sensation to divorcé to injured, struggling, seemingly hopeless golfer and back to Masters champion. He looks straight ahead and says: "Felt good. Hit it solid. Putted well."
Dec. 3: Manning is named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year. He thanks the Jets, Ryan, Indianapolis, Irsay, Luck, his family and, with no explanation, Metta World Peace.
July 27: The London Olympics begin with a stunning Opening Ceremony in which Princess Kate Middleton and Reggie Jackson re-enact the climactic scene from The Naked Gun. Michael Phelps goes on to win three gold medals, which sounds disappointing, but how many gold medals have YOU won lately, pal? That's what we thought. Usain Bolt wins three races, including two that he finishes by cartwheeling across the finish line.
April 2: Leading North Carolina by 30 points in the national title game, Kentucky coach John Calipari calls two late timeouts -- one to hand a handkerchief to weeping UNC coach Roy Williams, and another so he can tell the media what a great person he is for handing Williams the handkerchief. Calipari then goes home and hangs a banner in his house, where nobody can take it down without a court order.
In the wake of Calipari's triumph, the media spend almost an entire day questioning whether any sports should ever be played again, and indeed, whether the earth should even continue to exist, right up until ...
Jan. 15: The Texas Rangers sign Japanese phenom Yu Darvish to an $88 million contract, which includes a clause that Chris Berman is not allowed to give him a nickname.
March 5: Playing in their third city in four days, and their fourth game in five nights, and their 11th road game in less than a month, the Sacramento Kings spend the entire first quarter shooting at the wrong basket. Nobody notices.
April 8: Tiger Woods roars back from a seven-stroke deficit in the final round to win the Masters. Afterward, he is asked to sum up his extraordinary journey from No. 1 athlete in the world to tabloid sensation to divorcé to injured, struggling, seemingly hopeless golfer and back to Masters champion. He looks straight ahead and says: "Felt good. Hit it solid. Putted well."
Dec. 3: Manning is named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year. He thanks the Jets, Ryan, Indianapolis, Irsay, Luck, his family and, with no explanation, Metta World Peace.
Weird glitch! Interesting post. Guess we'll see what 2012 really brings!
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